Depending on family dynamics you might become aware of any academic difficulties your child is experiencing over family dinner, while driving to soccer practice, or in those quiet conversations just before bed. Or, you might be totally surprised to learn from your child’s teacher or through a formal written progress report that things are not going as well as you had assumed. Regardless of how you discover the challenges what you do next is crucial and it’s all about communication and relationships. The essential players include you, your child, and the teacher or teachers relevant to the challenge. Potential additional partners might include a counselor, coach, or administrator depending on the specifics of the challenges. Suggestions • Hold positive assumptions o Your child wants to do well. o Your child’s teachers care that he does well o Your child’s teachers have the skills to meet her needs. o When parents and teachers work together, anything is possible. • Talk with your child to try to understand his perspective and definition of the problem. • Convey caring, confidence, and commitment to make things better. • Do not wait for the school’s official system to kick into gear; contact your child’s teacher o Try to identify a primary contact person; often schools are organized as teams, or there might be a “teacher advisory” system of some sort o Request an initial conversation with that primary contact (best to avoid your having to sit down facing a group of personnel) and explain your concerns, simply but clearly and as specifically as possible o Include your child, depending her age and developmental readiness to participate • Prepare for the conversation by outlining your concerns, consider bringing a brief, clear written outline o Carry your positive assumptions into the conversation; avoid blame o If the teacher is the sole relevant professional begin working on possible action steps, keeping those clear, explicit and simple o If a group would better help achieve success, then request a meeting with that team (or a sufficient representation of the team; again, unless you are sure to be comfortable try to avoid sitting “across from” all seven of your child’s teachers. That can intimidate anyone.) o Take notes, and share those marked “copy” with the contact person. • Once a comfortable, focused, simple, clear set of strategies is identified, it should be committed to writing so there is a record of the plan. (Note: this kind of plan might well be formalized in the school’s “Education Support Team” structure, or even more so with what is known as a “504 Plan” and could, in the face of significant concerns, lead to your or their consideration of “Special Education evaluation.” For any such formal approaches you will want to inform yourself about how those work; such information is easily had online and from various parent advocacy groups.) o Be sure it includes efforts by parents as well as school personnel so there is deliberate mutual support; remember “all things are possible.” o Be clear about how you all will “measure” progress and success o Be sure to include a realistic mechanism for simple, regular communications about progress o If your child has not been an active participant in this planning, determine how you and school personnel will explain what everyone (including the child) is going to do so that together things will improve. Notes • If at any point you do not experience receptivity to your concerns, do not hesitate to turn to other school personnel including other teachers, counselors, principal, nurse, etc. the goal is to have a sense of welcome and readiness to work together • Keep notes at meetings and of other relevant conversations including email exchanges just to have access to key points, decisions, actions planned. We all need reminders occasionally. • It nearly goes without saying, but continue to use your “parent radar” to stay tuned in to how well your child is doing academically but also socially and emotionally. • Don’t wait long if your instinct suggests elements of the plan are backfiring or simply not working as intended. Return to the drawing board. • Do give folks, including your child, reasonable time to implement and respond to the plan. • Change what does not work, but celebrate what does. • Thank everyone playing a role in progress and success.